Back to Old Posts page 7

Wow, I'm seeing so many posts about declining viewership...as a "regular" reader, I should really do my duty and post! I just got back from a grad trip to Puerto Vallarta, so I have a few stories to post...however tame! I don't really have any accident stories, though...perhaps luckily, because they'd probably be my own! I suppose I'll drop the pseudonym now...at Bianca's there was a need to lurk, and I didn't want to use my real name, but here I don't think secrecy is really necessary. The first thing I saw was on the plane, on the way down. I ended up sitting next to a few people I didn't know, from a small town, instead of my friends, and one of them was a short, dark-haired, fairly cute girl. I don't know what it is about plane trips, but I just find the idea of people using airplane restrooms so much more exciting than normal situations, especially on the plane. Must be something to do with the constricting seats and long trips, but anyways... During the flight, about halfway through, she got up and went into the bathroom for about five minutes - I could guess what that probably meant. That kept my imagination busy for awhile, until we started to land. We were filling out customs forms, and she muttered something about too much water. The seat belt light was on, so no one could get up. I heard her and said that I knew what she meant (true - I had to go too), and suggested she make a dash for the restroom, but she didn't. She was obviously feeling it, though - she was scrunching up her face, etc. A few minutes later, another one of the guys from her town asked her about it, and she replied, "I can't even walk!" She was lying, though - as soon as the plane stopped, she made a beeline for one of the bathrooms. She was pretty cute, and I saw her several more times on the trip, but unfortunately, she had a buff, good-looking boyfriend with her... Another minor incident happened when a friend and I went banana-boating with someone else from my school and his cute girlfriend. For those who haven't been, banana-boating is pretty much like sitting on a big tube that's being towed at 15 MPH by another boat. The waves were fairly, um...fun, so of course we all went flying four or five times during the fifteen-minute ride. Well, after one of the capsizals, we were all getting back on the boat, laughing hysterically, when the guy from my school reached down and started to pull his girlfriend onto the boat. Still giggling, she said, "Wait, don't pull me on yet! I'm peeing!" "You're peeing?" "Yeah, I've been ever since we fell off..." She was down in the water for about another five seconds - then the boat crew started its engines and began towing us along, without her! Wow, I swear I just saw one of the guys from the trip and his girlfriend on Beach MTV. I never saw an MTV crew in Puerto Vallarta! Fitting topic, too - she just said, "I'm not going all the way back to the hotel! Everybody pees in the ocean, right?" Well, anyways, a few more things I have to report happened on a cruise with snorkeling, a hike to a waterfall, and lunch on the beach. The snorkeling was first, and not much to speak about - filthy water and no visibility. Then came the hike - twenty minutes on hills in 85-degree heat and 100% humidity. Everyone was getting pretty sweaty and uncomfortable, and I was thinking that I was glad that, what with all the warnings about Mexican food, I didn't have stomach troubles to deal with also. The hike's destination was a restaurant nestled in some little cliffs, with a waterfall running through them into a pool and stream. (I cliff-dove from about 80 ft...what a rush! Not important though.) I did have to pee, though, so I headed to the four little rooms marked "Banos", two for damas and two for hombres. These rooms weren't even really rooms - they were literally about four feet by six feet square, including the toilet. When I first stepped in, I almost stepped right out! again - not only was there no seat (not relevant to my situation, but a common sight in Mexico), but there was no flush - just a bowl! The acrid smell was enough to knock me out. Well, I finished up, and left. On the way out, I looked into the other empty restrooms. They were all in the same state of disrepair, except that in one of the ones marked "Damas", there was a huge pile of crap! I kid you not - someone must have been truly desperate to have used that restroom to take a dump. That was the first thing from the cruise. The second happened when the boat stopped at a beach restaurant to serve lunch - foul chicken fajitas. I had a feeling I should have eaten at the waterfall restaurant, but I wolfed down the fajitas anyways. After another few minutes, I started to think that was a bad idea, but after remembering the other "Banos", I tried to wait. My friends and I were sitting near the bathrooms, and I saw a few girls going in and out without really thinking about it - little did I know what I was missing! After another few minutes, I finally decided that another two hours in my present state wasn't something I wanted to experience. So I went and waited for the men's room, and went in at the same time as a girl. The bathroom was a one-room deal, one toilet and a trough - and the girls' restroom in that same room, on the other side of a wall. In other words, the rooms were aurally connected by the fact that the separating wall only went about three-quarters of the way up. Excitement gripped me - was I really going to hear a girl my age in the same predicament I was in? Then I noticed something else about the room, something familiar...again, no seats on these toilets. I then heard the girl take down her shorts, pee for a few seconds... ...finish up, pull up her shorts, and leave. I couldn't tell whether someone else had come in to take her place or not. At that point, I realized I should stop dreaming and attend to the business at hand. I took down my pants and squatted over the bowl (no bacterial infections for me, thank you, I'll stand), and hesitated, realizing that one gets rather more of a view than one might want when squatting, as the legs open up rather nicely. (This ever happened to anyone else?) Finally I just thought, "Screw it," and watched myself crap out some black, muddy shit. The view is really something else - I could see it falling out and hitting the water, and everything. There was a decent amount, after which I straightened up, wiped, and left. I watched the bathrooms for a bit, but, strangely, no one else appeared to have the same problem with the fajitas... Later on that night, before we went clubbing, we stopped to eat dinner. I thought I was feeling a little better by then, so I ordered some beef fajitas to try to perk myself up. So I ate, and then right before we left felt that same heaviness from lunch, except worse, so I waited for the bathroom and went in - and I'll let you guess whether or not there was a seat. I repeated the same ritual as at lunch, except it was about twice as bad. Before now, I always wondered how someone could get diarrhea all over a seat, much less walls and mirrors, but I don't wonder any longer. It was actually a fairly small shit, bad as it was, but I still ended up wiping off part of the seat. Obviously, I didn't stick around the club long. Good thing, because later on that night two of my friends left my hotel room just in time for me to unleash a massive, turbulent blast into the hotel room toilet. Anyways, respond if you liked my stories. I'm also interested to know whether anyone's had some of the same feelings or experiences as I did. Does anyone else feel the same way about airplane dumps? And has anyone ever had to squat in urgent situations? BTW, Blake, keep it up - you're the heart and soul of this place! I'd also like to ask a question, though you don't have to respond if you don't want too. In that sink experience you wrote about, you said that you were going so strong that it splattered onto the mirrors and counter, and that you were still going after a few minutes? How could that be? Even in my worst moments, I've never been actually going for more than about thirty seconds or so, and it still doesn't seem like any dump would ever be strong enough to splatter that much. Anyways, like I said, whether you respond or not, we're all glad to have you here, or at least I am!