The Smelly Panda
I agree with you Infantry SPC. I think more black females celebrities should be in poop scenes.
1)Stacy Dash: Oh yeah. You should be her in “Illegal In Blue”. That swollen booty would have been good for a poop scence.
2)Tisha Campbell: yeah, she looks like she can drop some nasty loads with that fat ass.
3)Jennifer Lopez: I bet her asshole is soft and sensitive. . .
4)Beyonce Knowles: she eats fried chicken and biscuits, and you know what soul food do to a woman’s shit
5)the late Aaliyah(she will forever be missed): no comment.
I bet Serena &Venus have to hold it during those long matching. You know their assholes be all sweaty and moist from running around the court.
Famous black women I’d make to see drop a bomb:
Leslie “Big Lez” Segar: when you see her picture, you’ll know why.
Elise Neal: she’s in good shape, and I bet her turds are hard as f???.
Sanaa Lathan: She picked up some weight when she starred in “Disappearing Acts” with Wesley Snipes. I bet her stools hurt her asshole.
Nia Long: little body = huge logs
T’Keyah Crystal Keymah: TV’s “COBSY”
Tamela Jones: I’d drink her bath water too.
Aisha Tyler: she’s tall and I bet she can make big stinks
Brandy: just dropped that baby, bet she can launch a missile.
Lil Kim: I bet she puts a hand mirror under her ass and watches her shit emerge.
Claudette Ortiz: To watch this woman shit is to have multiple orgasm, back to back. . .
Lisa Raye: Oh my God. . .to smell her sweet, fetid shit. . .
Kenya Moore: I can picture this hot, former Miss America spraying air freshener while she dumps on her throne.
That toilet scene in “Enough” was kinda boring. Jennifer is only shown from the waist up. It was a waste of film and a scatlover’s precious time. They need to show her seriously dumping in a movie. Now, if Mitch came out of the shower curtain and grabbed her off the toilet, that shit would’ve been half-erotic. . .
Saturday, November 02, 2002
no need for all to know
When I was 11 I was in the fith grade AT LUnch I did not go (I wanted to play with my friends) so I was out side and they dont let us go in to go so I tried to hold it but couldet hold so I peed my pants
Peter
Ive had a great time with my girlfriend Mary looking through the Old Posts and finding lots of people like us who get a buzz from defecation.
To answer Plunging Plop Guy's question about being in the bath when someone else needs to use the toilet which is in the same room. I experienced this very often as a kid and teenager. This was in the 1950s and 1960s when people were a lot more prudish as a rule. My Mum and my three sisters, all older than me, I was the only boy and baby of the family, weren't that inhibited about their natural functions. Sure we were taught that most people wanted privacy to urinate or defecate and to respect that privacy, but Mum and the girls didnt seem to be that fussed if I was in the bathroom when they needed a wee wee or a motion. As you can imagine, with only one combined bathroom and toilet in our council house and all 4 of us getting ready for school, it just wasnt practical to have to wait outside trying to hold in a wee wee or jobbie when one of us was having a wash. Accordingly, I often was present when one of my sisters did a motion and vice versa, hearing the Plops! and Ke! r-plonks! then looking at the jobbies she had done. Also, while I have only just discovered the expression from this Forum, we would often "buddy-dump" as the cistern took time to fill up after it was flushed and then the last user would pull the flush. Sometimes of course the jobbies would stick in the pan, at least the big logs, and my Mum being a big fat woman, often did big long fat "panbusters" which I saw stuck in the toilet pan. On some occassions I would be having a bath when one of my sisters, or even Mum would knock the door and say they needed the toilet. This didnt mean me getting out of the bath soaking wet, which could have caused me to get a cold. The girls werent fussed if I saw them naked, as siblings we were used to that. When I was about nine yers old or so Mum on the other hand adopted a different procedure when she had to use the toilet when I was in the bath. She came in and hitched up her skirt and before pulling down her big white cotton briefs told m! e to look away for a minute. This of course I did and she pulled her knickers down to the tops of her thighs, just sufficient to do the toilet without wetting or soiling her underwear. She told me I could turn round again and I saw her quite decently sat on the pan, her skirt hitched up round her waist, her knickers between her legs preserving her "modesty". She did a wee wee which tinkled then grunted NN! UH! and there were 3 "Plop! Plunk! Plonk!" sounds as she passed some little hard balls, then she took a deep breath, and bore down going NN! NNN! UH! NN! I can remember the crackling sound some posters mention which I came to realise was made by the big jobbie as it was coming out, then there was a loud "KUR-SPLOOMP!" as she passed a really big solid turd into the pan. She gave a big sigh, and then wiped her bum and then asked me to look away as she stood up and pulled up her knickers, then said I could look again. She had a look at what she had passed, washed her hands ! and dropped her skirt but left me to pull the flush as she thought I might well use the toilet myself. Of course I was then able to see the magnificent big jobbie she had done, a big 12 inch long, 2 inch fat torpedo. This "command performance" only happened a few times though as usually she would do her motions at other times when the toilet/ bathroom was empty.
My ex wife wasnt really into Toilet matters. The most she would agree to was to let me listen outside the toilet with the door ajar and leave the pan unflushed so I could see her jobbies. In any event she didnt usually do particularly large turds, her motion would consist of two or three jobbies the largest about 7 inches long and 1.5 thick, which would go "KAPLONK! KAPLUNK! KERPLONK!" usually sausage shaped floaters. We divorced for other reasons and I met Mary, who is the exact opposite and being big fat woman about the same age as myself, does some real whoppers and loves letting me accompany her to watch her doing them and vice versa.
Again, Moderator, thanks for providing this well run Forum on this subject and keeping it decent.Aquatic
Do you remember the portable street (i.e. open air) urinals introduced in London a few months back? Well now Westminster Council have gone one further with street urinals which hide underground during the day but then automatically rise up for use at night! It seems they're a Dutch invention (lucky people in the Netherlands) but can also be found here in the UK in Reading. Read all about it on Westminster City Council's web site. I thought this quote, from the couincillor responsible, was a bit harsh "I find it extraordinary that people still continue to urinate on our city's streets. This disgusting habit is a growing problem and we are determined to try and eradicate it." Hey, ruin our fun why don't you! Of course its all very sexist, there are no street urinals for women, presumably the girls have to suffer discomfort or find a quiet street...
Plunging Plop Guy
Hi Everyone,
Good to see all's well again after a short break!
In my last post, I asked for details about using bidets. I see in the very next post, Rizzo mentions using one. Coincidence or what!
RIZZO, You're the man to ask. How do you use it?
BUZZY, welcome back! I wondered where you'd gone, but glad you're still here. I hadn't realised all the recent posts about shitting in one's pants had put you off, and possibly others. It certainly doesn't do anything for me either. I like to hear about people shitting in the toilet, although I appreciate some people, including yourself, like to have a sociable, but clean dump outside sometimes.
How's it been at the gym lately?
NATHAN, I agree with much of what you said about the subject of where people shit. I also am very interested in other guys shitting and want to hear stories and details about guys on the toilet.
I complained to my local authority about the state of the public toilets. Recently I found no TP, or even paper towels available. One cubicle had a toilet that's been blocked for days now, and with shit caking the sides of the pan. In these cases, the toilet should have been unblocked as soon as the problem was found as it only means a toilet is out of action for those needing one, and is a potential health hazard. The least that could have been done was to tape over the toilet seat and lid rather than leaving it for all to see behind a door that doesn't close properly.
Could I suggest that anyone who finds a dirty or malfunctioning toilet complains to the local authority? If people don't report these things, the powers that be can tend not to bother. MAKE THEM BOTHER!!
Had another shit recently that took some effort, and my plops and grunts would have been heard by the guy next to me. He was totally silent, but I certainly wasn't! I LOVE entertaining like that!
Happy and healthy shitting to all! P. Plop Guy
jr
Hi all.
nathan-liked your story.
bobby-nice story. How old are you? Have you and your dad pooped together? have you had to go when he did?
Kevin and billy-nice stories. I would like to hear your brothers stories from them if they would write? How old are they?
no one except bryian answered my survey so I'll try again:
1. How long does it take to shit?
2. How many times a day do you shit?
3. Have you ever had to shit on a date or at your prom(guys)?
4. Did you ever have to shit when anotheer family member was there and only one bathroom? What did you do?
5. Do you have chest hair?(youngeer guys)
Bryian-nice stories. Are you gay?
nothing new from me. so happy toileting all.
kendall and andrew-glad to hear you are able to watch each other again. More stories I like them.
Louise
BLADDER GIRL - Hi! Well you are talking about things I never dared! Hey I know what you mean though! Sometimes when I have a really big wee I get the really nice sensations and I nearly go over the edge. It happens sometimes but not a lot. I am 29 years old.
A few months ago when I went on a modelling shoot, I went for a swim in the hotel's swimming pool. I wanted to wee and I just pissed through my bikini when I was in the water. I knew they were just going to clean the pool so I thought that was all right. I would not have done it if it was clean water.
Love Louise xx
PV - Hi girl! Well you got over the 700mls barrier at last! I bet you could do a bit more if you did not have a shit at the same time. Steve is right, I bet carrying some shit inside leaves less space for the bladder. I bet if I had needed a shit then I would not have got anywhere near my 1850ml.
Your snake shits are really different to my logs. I never have long thin ones like you.
I have not really had any large logs lately. Every time for about a week I have just had some little lumps going plop in the toilet. It is fun but the water splashes up.
I have not frightened any men with my weeing lately either. giggle. Steve has watched me at least twice a day but I have been quiet with other adventures.
Love,
Louise.
Blair
Hey everyone. Im an eighteen year old girl and a Freshman in college and I think Im starting to catch the stomach bug thats been going around.
It started today, when I woke up. I felt a little queasy and had an upset stomach. Not a bad one, it felt like it was rolling all day(if that makes sense) and I experienced some cramps, gas and a little bloating throughout the day. Nothing serious, but I was able to read the tale-tell signs.
Anyway, at about four thirty in the afternoon I was studing in the library when my stomach started getting really upset. Bad cramps and a little wet gas and a very full feeling. I knew what was coming, but wasn't desperate and since I can't stand using public toilets, I made my way back to my dorm.
When I got there, I headed for the bathroom, but my roomate was in the shower. I opened the door (she never locks it) and she said "Blair?"
"Yeah," I said. "You almost done, I kinda need the toilet."
"Go ahead and use it," she said. "Just don't flush."
"Well, I my stomach is a little upset and, well you get my drift."
"Thats OK, it happens to all of us. Go ahead and go," she said.
I mumbled my agreement and pulled my jeans and panties to my knees and sat on the jon. I farted loudly, and mushy diarrhea started spilling into the toilet. It all poured out of me in one long rush that lasted about twenty seconds and ended with an explosive wet fart.
"Im sorry," I said. "But I really needed that."
"No problem," my roomie(<Miku, shes Japanese) said and I started wiping. "Feeling better now, or was that a sign of things to come?"
"I think it was a sign. I still feel a little queasy and the stomach bugs beem going around."
"Well if you get sick, Ill be here for you. But only if you do me a favor."
"Whats that," I asked.
"Ignore what I said. Flush it please." We shared a laugh and I flushed as she was turning the shower off. Before I left she giggled. "Wouldn't it be funny if we both got sick at the same time," she said.
Its actually somewhat ironic she said that. I woke up this morning feeling really sick and Miku said she had a really upset stomach. I'll keep you updated on anything that happens.
Punk Rock Girl
Hey, everybody!
I was in the Village yesterday (Sunday) with some friends from out of town. We were walking around, having a good time. I had the vague urge to take a dump when we left the apartment, but I figured I could go when we had lunch. Well, we walked for a couple of hours, and my friends wanted to get a hot dog off a cart for lunch. Well, I knew I couldn't shit on the sidewalk next to the hot dog dude, so I clenched my cheels a little tighter and prepared to hold it for a bit longer. I ate a hot dog with mustard, onions and kraut (mmm-hmmmm), but that was the straw that broke the camel's back. It went right through me, and landed in my bowels.
We went into this one pizza place that lets people use their restroom, but it was out of order. I felt a little better anyway, so I thought the desperation had passed. We went to a rfew record stores, video stores and a store that sells all kinds of pop culture collectibles and were having a great time, until my bowels screamed in agony. Well, not in agony, but they shifted and I think it was the muscle power of my buns that was the only thing keeping my load from invading my pants.
I said, Whoa! I really have to take a dump. We went into a little coffee house, ordered some coffee and pastries, and I adjourned to the restroom. A unisex, with a door that was barely more than a stall door--you could see a couple of inches under it, and several inches above it! That also meant that sounds coming from within would not be very well muffled. Oh, well, when you gotta go...
I went in, closed and latched the door and unzipped my jeans. I pushed them down, followed by my red and white striped thong (cute, eh?) and sat on the crapper. I didn't even need to push. I relaxed my ass, and a monster load burst out about halfway, then slowly made its way out the rest of the way. Luckily, I didn't fart audibly, but the shit made a big splash when it hit the water. What could I do? Besides, if someone's in the bathroom for more than a couple of minutes, you know what they were doing. So everyone in the place knows I'm taking a shit. Big deal.
Several smaller chunks plopped loudly into the toilet, followed by a silent and odorless fart. I sighed with relief and wiped my ass. It was all pretty solid shit, so I only needed one wipe (though I wiped again just to be safe. I pulled my thong and jeans back up, washed my hands and went back out to join my friends. I sat down with them, my bottom just a little raw from passing that big load, and enjoyed my coffee and carrot cake.
We got home just a few hours later, and I had another crap, almost the same size! I must have had a lot of poop in there! I haven't yet had my morning dump, so I'm waiting for my bowels to start yelling for me to hit the shitter.
Hello to Bryian, Katrina, Scarlet, Leather Pants Girl, Rizzo (no rush on answering my survey--liked the Berlin Wall story), Turd Boy and, if you're reading this, Carmalita!
Peace!
PRG
Kendal
What a wonderful holiday we have all just had !!
JR: Hope our stories will continue to entertain you !
PV: You'll still be my special Aunt, even if I don't say Aunty anymore ! Love Kendal x
KRISTA: I remember you, and loved reading your stories. I'm very glad you've written back again. Love Kendal x
PATRICK: Your story reminded me of what my best friend Eleanor had to suffer, although in very differing circumstances. Although your story was really very sad about how people can be so cruel to one another, I really enjoyed reading about it. I think that girl was very lucky to have you as a friend, even if like the other boys, you sneaked a peek at her sitting on the toilet. At least you felt bad about it instead of taking advantage. Love from Kendal. PS I love your name. It reminds me of a favourite film I once watched called Starlight Hotel. The man in the film that looked after the little girl about my age who had run away from home was called Patrick. He was really cute !!
Some stories from our holiday. The Villa was wonderful. It slept upto 8, so was fine for the seven of us. Andrew's Mum and Dad slept upstairs, while the rest of us shared the other 3 rooms downstairs between us. Eleanor had a double room to herself, with an en-suite, (which Ellen and I used as well), and Andrew and Michael shared a twin room with a bathroom just outside for them ! Ellen and I were in a room at the opposite end of the corridor to the boys.
We had to be careful over toilety things because the Villa seemed to carry sound far too well. If someone was whispering in one of the bedrooms downstairs, the rest could hear, although not what was being said !!
The boys bathroom had a very interesting door in that while it was being opened and closed, a gap would appear down the edge which gave a small view of the toilet. This toilet didn't have a lock on it. So this became the focal point for us all. To hide what we were really up to, we pretended to have "guards" posted outside whenever we used it. Only one person would "guard" so as not to raise suspicions with the olds, but what the guard was really doing was having a good peep at the person on the toilet while they did their thing !! If anyone was heard to be approaching, then the guard would stand to attention outside the door, facing away from the gap. Andrew's Dad did try to use that bathroom once while I was in it, but Michael stopped him from coming in, so the "guarding" worked very well !
I can only really tell what happened in relation to me. I never stood guard for Eleanor, she always used the en-suite. But I stood guard for little Ellen, Andrew and Michael, and both Michael and Andrew stood gurad for me on several occasions. So what did I see ?
Well, Michael asked me to stand guard for one of his poos. Through the gap I saw him take down his shorts, and then he sat on the toilet, holding himself down so to speak. I heard a huge spraying of wee. It was so hard in fact that it shot upwards and had wet the bottom of the toilet seat. I helped him to clean it up afterwards ! Then I heard him softly grunt before the sound of four or so soft plops. I saw him look up to see if I was really peeping or not ( which I was, avidly ! ), and then he caught his breath for one last push, but if he did make another plop, I never heard it. I saw him reach for the toilet roll and begin to wipe himself. Then I heard someone coming, so I turned around !
Michael was caught out quite embarrassed on just the one occasion when little Ellen decided to ask him to guard the door ! He didn't know what to do. The arrangement we all had was that if you were asked to guard the door, then the one entering the bathroom was quite happy to be watched through the gap. He sort of looked, then he backed off, then he looked again, then he looked at me sat on his bed where I could see what he was doing. He went red, no doubt wondering what I thought to him watching my little cousin. I nodded approvingly. If Ellen didn't mind, why should I. So Michael then watched avidly, and my goodness, what a show Ellen must have put on for him. I heard three loud plops myself !!!
I only invited Micheal to guard for a poo once. It was strange really. As I sat and did my business wearing a bikini, I didn't really get that much of a thrill from being watched by him, not as much as when I watched him anyway !!
But there was one time when I just knew I needed to go in the middle of the night. My ???? had been rumbling for ages, and felt decidedly dodgy, perhaps from the very garlicy meal I had had that evening. I crept into Andrew and Micheal's room, and whispered gently in Andrew's ear for him to wake up and come with me. Micheal was snoring and very fast asleep, thank goodness, because it would have been a bit awkward to invite Andrew if Michael had been awake, and I really wanted my wonderful Cousin with me, not my boyfriend !!
Andrew waited outside. I felt an enormous tingle up and down my spine before I'd even lifted up my nightshirt and pulled down my pampies when I turned to prepare to sit down and spyed his soft gaze on me through the gap in the door. Almost as soon as I sat, I let out an embarrassingly loud trump, and then another, and then yet another !! I was convinced that I must have woken everyone in the house, but as I paused to listen hard, Michael still snored, and I was sure I could still hear Ellen's steady sleepy breathing. And Andrew was still gazing dreamily at me. I concentrated, and felt poo begin to course down to my bottom. The first three bits plip-plopped in, and then I felt quite a cramp, and a gush of very sloppy poo plop-plop-plop-plop-plopped away, I folded my arms across my ????. I looked at Andrew again, and could see the expression in his eyes had changed. How I wanted him to really come in and hold my hand for me ! He must have read my eyes or my mind or som! ething. Because his eyes disappeared from the gap, and they re-emerged looking around the bathroom door. Neither of us spoke for fear of being heard. I nodded my head so that he knew I wanted him to come in. He came up and knelt down right in front of me, and held my hand just like I wanted, and he put his other hand on my ????. He must have felt the tenseness of my ???? as I had three waves of runny poo while he knelt in front of me. The smell was awful, but he never flinched in looking after me. The only time I flinched was when I realised that some little eyes were looking at me through the gap in the door. It was Ellen who had woken up, and realised I wasn't in bed at the side of her. I waved for her to come, and then Andrew and I both put our fingers up to our lips to warn Ellen not to say a word as she came inside the bathroom. She knelt down beside Andrew, and in a copying gesture she took my other hand and put her other little warm hand on my ???? next to Andrew's! !! We both wanted to laugh, but thankfully managed to stiffle it. Ellen's eyes grew in wonder as my ???? tensed under her hand, and one final wave of runny poo ran from my bottom, which was beginning to feel quite sore now. They both let go of me as soon as I reached for the toilet roll. One wipe, and I knew just how sore I was !! Ellen looked, and then got up and padded softly out of the bathroom. Half a minute later, and with me having already used about half a toilet roll to try and clean up, she came back in again, brandishing a pot of vaseline. She took off the lid, and stood there with a large glob of it on her finger, ready to apply it to my sore bum just as I have to hers on many an occasion. I sat back down on the front of the toilet seat, and bent right forward for her to do the job. She seemed to do it so expertly, I was really surprised at how soothing it felt ! Then when that job was finished, I looked at Andrew, who understood that it might be an idea to go! and get back in bed before I flushed the toilet, which might wake Michael up. He disappeared into the dark. I flushed, and then made sure that Ellen and I had washed our hands very well before going back to bed.
In bed, my bottom felt fine after the application of vaseline, and then I fell asleep, feeling a warm glow all over as I recalled my trip to the toilet and how once again my dearest Cousin had looked after me so wonderfully !
LINDA GS: Hope you're keeping well, my dearest friend. Hope you liked this story as well. You'd have been really in your element being able to choose a "guard" for when you went. And I have no doubt that you would not have been short of any volunteers, especially a certain young man carrying a hairbrush !!! In truth, you couldn't see that much through the gap. It was just the thrill of peeping as much as anything else ! Hope you write again soon. Eleanor sends her love and hopes to share a toidy visit with you again soon ( me too !! ). And I wouldn't dare not to include an XOSXOS from Drew !! Take care, and lots of love from Kendal xxxxxxxxxx
Rizzo
Hi all of you, and a special welcome to the good new posters!
And cheers to the moderators for their efforts to keep this site worth visiting!
Plunging Plop Guy,
To answer your question:
The bidet in our bathroom is mounted right next and parallel to the toilet. It is of about the same shape as the toilet, but it is a shallow pan with a bathtub-type drain and stopper at the back. The water for this bidet runs into it from a combined hot and cold water tap mounted on the back, like on a hand washbasin. This bidet has no jet in the bottom to spray upwards at your nether bits when sitting on it. There are those that do.
One method to use it is to sit astride facing the taps, i.e. the back. You then turn on the water and regulate it to the temperature you prefer, with the stopper blocking the drain. When the water is about two or three inches deep you can wash your bum with a cloth and soap, and rinse afterwards with fresh water.
I use it the other way round after using the toilet. After wiping off the worst with tp I just slide over on to the bidet and sit on it with my back to the wall and taps, because my pants around my ankles prevent the method described above. Then I reach behind my back to turn on the water. I do not plug the drain, but splash copious amounts of water aginst my hole with my cupped hand, until I feel clean. I use no soap, as this tends to result in an itchy ass. Then I reach for a towel hanging behind the bidet and dry myself off. I wash my hands with soap at the hand washbasin afterwards. It feels great to have a warm rinse around the hole after a good shit! Cheers from Rizzo.
Hi Katrina,
Thank you for your explanation! I take it that being a nurse does not necessarily increase your absolute bladder size, although it trains you to hold it in longer distending the bladder more, but that big bladdered persons are at an advantage and make the better nurses. A sort of natural selection. I hope to read more from you!
Bladder Girl,
Your post seems to be the key to understand why some women find pleasure in holding their pee.
I hope you post again!
Hello Eleanor,
so you have all spent your half term holidays where the sun supposedly shines more often, according to travel agents’ brochures. I hope you did not pick up an affliction I have heard being called ‘Lisbon ????’. It would be bang on topic, but rather unpleasant for the victim. Good to read what a gentleman Andrew is by having assisted and enabled you to feel safe during that much needed wee by the roadside. You are a lucky girl! Love to you from Rizzo.
Kendal dear,
thanks for that smoothest of hugs of yours! It made my day! I am happy to see that you took the moderators’ hint and dropped this uncle and auntie thing. It has served its purpose to ease any feelings of abandonment, but it is now hopefully needed no more. I will go along with you and drop it too. That does not mean that I care about you less! Just to say that you deserved your medal re-polished with Hagerty’s Silver Foam for your effort in trying to grow up! And now, to know that you, Michael and Eleanor, and probably Andrew and Ellen as well, were here on the continent, it was my turn to experience that uplifting feeling you had when I traveled to England for a few days last year. Back to our topic:
Your last post with your exquisite description of Andrew churning up a froth with his wee for bubbly special effects, as well as the struggle of your nether parts as to poo or wee first, was one of your best so far. I can just see Andrew enjoying himself, cocking his head and turning it from side to side to listen to the various stages of your performance (like an excited dog with its ears up; I just need to look at ours to see what you mean. Smile), Ellen not being around for a change! I think that you should definitely aim for a future in which you could make most use of your way-above-average language skills! So here’s to you with a salty hug (I’ve been on the boat), love from Rizzo.
Lawn Dogs Kid, dear friend,So you are visiting this site from time to time; even if you are preparing for an interview at a uni? Or will you be admitted without going through that ordeal? If it were on topic, I could tell you about our sons’ experiences. ‘Nuff said.
How about adding a drop of liquid soap to the water in the toilet bowl for your next demonstration pee? That should really enable you to produce loads of foam as well as frothy noises to fascinate Kendal. Bubbles of a more conspicuous format may even last long enough for Kendal to have a closer look.
Now for the trump story Ellen requested. Here it is, although I sometimes wish I could write as well as Kendal. Hugs to you and Ellen.
The setting is similar to Austin’s funny story, where he brappppped a really loud one into the evening silence on a camping site, for all to hear and burst out laughing.
My wife and I were tired out after a long day’s journey by car. We had arrived at the camp site in the North East of Spain and found it full of caravans, tents and people. A full camp site is something we do not particularly appreciate, but because dogs are not allowed in hotels there, and we had our little dog with us, that is where we had to spend the night. After driving around the site in circles along the marked lanes, we found a corner to set up our blue igloo-type tent. It was not long before we had had our supper, a shower, a wee, and had turned in for a good nights sleep, or so we hoped. Behind us a Spanish family had set up their tent, also of igloo shape but larger than ours. Between it and our tent they had put up a table and folding chairs. Papa and mama were sitting at the table studying the road map by the light of a gas lantern and discussing next day’s trip with muted voices. Their three daughters, about 8, 11 and 13 years old, were told to go to bed and! to keep quiet although it was still early for them at eleven p.m.! This was in Spain, remember? The three girls were already in their pyjamas and almost settled down, when a distinctive whining and high-pitched naughty sounding trump came from their tent. The youngest, it must have been her, squealed like a baby elephant when stepped on its trunk and burst into high pitched hoots of laughter, the middle one had a funny laugh going hee-hee-snort-hee-hee-snort and the oldest, who only joined in after a while, whinnied like a horse. We had heard her do that before. It must have been she who had dealt it. She was a bit horse-faced too, by the way. They couldn’t stop. Mama became cross and scolded them. They should keep quiet once and for all! The giggling subsided in intensity as if muffled by pillows, which it probably was. But from time to time a muffled hee-hee-snort could be heard.
My wife shifted her position. The movement caused her ???? to rumble, and then she cut a really rude and noisy one. It started on a high note, almost a squeal, then dropped in pitch to a long, sonorous, low dirge of a trump, a sound like a trombone played and being pulled out to its full length. Those beans, or was it the raw onions in the salad for lunch? The sound carried through the thin material of our tent and reached the ears of those three wide-awake girls in their sleeping bags less than twenty feet away. The effect was quite remarkable. After two or three seconds of hushed silence, they three of them broke out in loud squeals, high pitched hoots, hee-hee-snorts and whinnies with renewed vigour, thereby throwing themselves about on their air matress with loud thumping noises. In other words, they were left in stitches! Then a funny gasping, wheezy sound from very close joined in. I carefully lifted myself into a sitting position and had a look out of the little ! triangular ‘window’ at the back of our tent. Papa had his head on his forearms and his shoulders were shaking in rhythm to the wheezing noises he made. Alarmed, I at first thought that he was severely ill, suffering from a heart attack; but no, he was laughing! Just like Muttley! Mama looked very cross, her authority had evidently been severely undermined, blown away, in fact! She looked around with a scowl, embarrassed that her whole family was rocking with mirth. Their whole tent shook! By the time the girls had managed to recompose themselves after several failures to do so, it was way past midnight. I beseeched my wife not to repeat the performance, to stuff a sock up her backside as a muffler – a suggestion she did not take seriously -, or we would never get any sleep. Who knows, we could even be evicted for trumping too loudly and for causing such a commotion, a Public Disturbance!
Hey, I’m only joking! We did get our nights sleep. And the toilets in this Spanish camping site were impeccably clean, well designed, and looked brand new.
OK, this is long enough, I wish you all peaceful reliefs. Rizzo
PS. To Ina, PV, Louise and Sarah (of Tim), I have gathered up enough courage and dared to order a travelmate for my wife :o) I’ll let you know the outcome. It will take some time.