Catherine
Replies
Jenny: Hi SIS! Yes, that was me! Alan and the kids are gone and I decided that I would push really hard while sitting on a wooden chair. It was loud and long! I love those types of farts! And thank you for the hug ten years later. I was mortified but at least it was a good poop! Yes, we continue to sell Poopourri at the pharmacy. It sells pretty well, although I think some people are embarrassed to purchase it! Did I understand you correctly that you used to think your butt was the reason for your big poops? I always thought my body type was the reason for my significant output, along with diet. As the new Jenny T indicates, diet may have more to do with it. But I am glad that I do big poops. I would not have it any other way.
I know we will only ever know each other from the forum but I look forward to the banter, your stories and just send prayers and good vibes that you'll have an amazing life!
Oh, and I have some really form fitting jeans and a white blouse, with a gray jacket and my hair in my signature pony tail...ready for a day at the pharmacy!
Also, I had a really good poop just about 30 minutes ago. It was soft and made a huge pile in the toilet that came up over the water - formed, but still a pile!
Here's your survey:
1. Do wipe sitting or standing ( or in-between). I wipe sitting, front to back.
2. Do you bunch the toilet paper or fold ( so something else). Bunch it.
3a. Do you use anything besides tp ( bidet, wet wipes, unwipe, toilet mirror) to enhance wiping
3b. How long have you used "enhanced wiping?" I've used Charmin all my life. I've had the washlit bidet for several years now. I've always used flushable wipes and Charmin to go when I poop away from home (since childhood).
3c. Have use noticed cleaner underwear, less body odor, or any other improvements since starting "enhanced wiping" ( unless you are Catherine, you probably took a huge poop before volleyball practice, got all sweaty, had a huge wedgie, and had spotless white panties when you undressed..haha. I have seen some clean white panties in the locker room..yoy gals amaze me...hahaha)
4. What type of underwear did you last get a skidmark in? You know the answer to that!!! Haha!
5. Have you ever gotten poop on your hand wiping? Yes (blushing). It doesn't happen often since the bidet, but yes I have probably many times (maybe 1/15 poops).
Jenny T: Welcome to the forum! I applaud your diet and I am grateful that anything I shared may have been helpful to you. And enjoy your poops! If they feel good to you then there's no shame in looking forward to them! I wish I could do three a day like you. But two seems to be my sweet spot!.
Shayna: So glad that you had a really relieving poop! Welcome!
MD Dan: We are always prepared to have guests poop in our "powder room." We purposely told our builders that we wanted that bathroom to be a little off our family room and to do what they could to make sure that it was private. We have air fresheners and Poopourri in that bathroom that guests can use. We want to make it as comfortable a space for pooping as possible! I think you handled an awkward situation well! I hope you are well and I would love to hear more about the woman you are dating. Happy for you!
STREAKS: I hope that you are well. I'm enjoying your stories! I found some older ones from a couple of years ago and loved the story about the time your wife and her sister pooped at the same time!
Pete: Here's your survey!
How important is privacy when you need to poop? It is very important to me. I was an only child and I never had to share a bathroom. I love having Alan in the bathroom and I've shared a bathroom with my friend "Beth." But I prefer privacy when possible.
Have you ever pooped in a public toilet with the toilet door open? No. Never.
Do you find the stink in a public toilet tiresome or merely inevitable? Inevitable. I mean we all do it so why should I be upset with a smell.
Do you regularly count the turds in your average bowel movement? If so, how many turds are there? Sometimes there's one long thick one, maybe with a couple of small pieces. Sometimes they break apart into multiple ones, like 3-4. Sometimes they make a pile.
Do you produce floating or sinking turds? Most of the time they sink but I've had a few floaters.
Do you regularly get skidmarks in your underclothes? (be honest) No. And I am being honest. I have a Washout type bidet and I use Charmin to wipe until clean.
Do you do a courtesy flush after the first few turds have fallen? No. I like to see the whole thing.
Have you ever written graffiti on the doors of public toilets? If so were the graffiti texts or drawings? (You do not need to give any details) No. I've never done that.
I hope everyone is doing well and dooing well!
Love to all!
Catherine!
Tuesday, October 22, 2024
Shayna
Birthing an anaconda in a Barnes & Noble bathroom
Hi, my name is Shayna. I'm 22, and work at a Barnes & Noble in New Hampshire. On Wednesday morning, I was at work and after a couple hours, began feeling a serious need to shit. Like, real bad. My load wasn't touching my panties but it was close. I hadn't pooped since Sunday morning, and I knew this impending dump was probably my parents' Sunday dinner finally preparing to make its exit. My break wasn't until noon and I began to despair that I might not make it. Luckily, I have excellent sphincter muscles and when 12:00 finally arrived I dashed to the the ladies (the employee restroom was occupied) and went into the stall at the very end near the wall. I hurriedly undid my belt, unzipped my jeans and pulled my panties down with them as my ass hit the seat. I didn't have to push much-this thing was coming out regardless. My asshole stretched wide and I leaned over and spread my cheeks to make my enormous bowel movement easier to pass. It felt like it went on forever and when it finally broke off and splashed into the bowl, I moaned loudly with relief (thankfully, no one else was in there) and was reaching for the TP when I felt more inside me! I spread my cheeks again and the last dregs were squeezed out, some smaller and softer turds. I gave my dump a quick, hard blast of piss and at long last, I was done. I wiped, and stood to inspect my creation. The main turd curled around the bowl in a horseshoe shape, nearly two inches thick I guessed, and perhaps 17 inches long, dark brown and smooth with some bumpy ridges near the end. The smaller pieces were about two inches each. I felt euphoric, like a new woman. I pulled my panties and jeans back up, washed my hands, and, feeling much relieved and relaxed now, went outside to chat with a coworker I've grown close to-and I have a past story with her I'll be sharing later.Sandra
Reply to Norm
Thanks for your response, it is reassuring to know I am not alone. As you say, when you got to go you got to go. There is no logical reason why the nearest toilet being a public one should be an issue.
Thanks also for your comments on wiping in a similar way to me, following my post from nearly a year ago.
Sandra
LC
Quick Story and Survey Answers
It has been a while since I last posted, but not due to a shortage of things that may be interesting to some people here.
About two months ago, I was struck with some kind of stomach flu that gave me constant diarrhea for three days. I often don't experience diarrhea and it's usually just once or twice when it does happen. This was different. It was three days of constant need. I was in the bathroom every time I ate or drank something other than water. At first, it was nice to feel cleaned out but then it became a bit of a burden. I guess the highlight would be that I took some anti-diarrhea medicine on the evening of the second day. That seemed to calm things until about mid-morning of the third day when I had multiple huge releases in one session. It was a lot. I was shocked by the amount in the bowl. Surprisingly, it suddenly cleared up by the morning of the fourth day, no lingering effects. My heart sincerely goes out to those who struggle with this condition on a regular basis due to IBS, Crohn's, food sensitivities or otherwise.
Survey Responses:
1A. When was the last time you pooped?
This morning, about two hours ago.
1B. When was the most memorable time you pooped?
The most memorable ones are a combination of when they are especially large and fragrant, paired with an inconvenient or embarrassing situation. The last time that happened was about five weeks ago. I was on a vacation and travel tends to cause some irregularity. I had some plumbing challenges earlier in the week at the vacation rental. Later in the week, I found myself at a hotel café when the urge struck. It had been a couple days, and I passed an especially larger movement that wouldn't flush. I thought I was in the clear but then another man came into the multi-stall bathroom, as I washed my hands. The bathroom clearly reeked and I think he accidentally went into my stall. I quickly left before I could see his reaction.
2A. When was the last time you peed?
An hour ago.
2B. When was the most memorable time you peed?
There have been two times in my life where I waited far too long to go and then found myself in a situation where I couldn't go. My bladder literally felt like a wobbly, jiggly water balloon and I had some concern that it would pop. Thankfully, I found relief, once in an alleyway behind the train station, and I couldn't believe how much I went. It seemed like minutes of release, and I am not normally someone who has volumes of pee.
3A. When was the last time you farted?
I farted when I peed about an hour ago.
3B. When was the most memorable time you farted?
I tend to have strong smelling gas. In 7th grade, I passed some in the hallway before I walked into class. Unfortunately, it followed me and most of the other students were already seated. It didn't take them long to figure out it was me, including my crush. They all rushed to the window pretending they couldn't breathe, and even the teacher couldn't play it down. The only one who acted maturely was this one girl, a friend of mine named Nikki.
Coincidentally about a year later Nikki passed me in this dead-end hallway where I was filling my water bottle at the water fountain. She rushed into the women's room at the end of hall, and I soon smelled a very strong poo smell after she passed by. I didn't know if it was a fart or something more, but it was strong. It made me wonder if that was the reason why she could bear my fart, as hers seemed very strong also.
4. When was the last time you got a skid mark?
A few weeks ago, I was on a long bike ride and my stomach was still a bit upset even though I had already pooped earlier in the morning. I noticed a small skid once I changed out of sweaty bike shorts, likely from farting during the ride.
4B. When was the most memorable time you got a skid mark?
Any time someone else sees them. I try to be fastidious about cleaning, so it doesn't happen often.
Jenny
Norm,
-When I finish wiping, I usually stand and wipe between my crack and finish with my front. IF I am really messy Ill kind of bend over a little more. If I am in a hurry, Ill wipe bent over. I am not sure how I transitioned to this from wiping leaned over. I have thought about how standing smashers the poop between my good-sized cheeks (size 6 but my booty looks size 8?) .
Random Girl
-I hear you girl, and I've been there!!! You are not alone! I have wiped poorly drunk, and I think a few other ladies have posted about that here. When I am around women, especially pretty women who are drunk I wonder if they get as streaky as I found myself after drinking when I was younger. I remember a few of the hottest women at bars pooping up a storm at bars and clubs then seeing them being hit on by guys!!! Once gal I heard pooping I noticed her date was holding her butt after she came out of the bathroom and I giggled a bit
Chakamami
- you gals are sweet! Aligato gozaimasu! I know it sounds rude being called "Streaks", but my husband and I have a dark sense of humor, and he knows when to tease me when I am up for the joke and laugh myself. There are times I would be more sensitive and he is good about not joking with me then. It helped when he called be streaks, I had clean dark pretty panties on! We both laughed. He was king about my dirty underwear but I know we was enjoying the sexy underwear I was wearing at the time. He does not call me "streaks" in public or very often.
Marley
- you have had a tough year!. My heart and prayers are with you!. Please see my previous post this last month about my spiel about pooping one's pants. I am glad you have good supportive friends. An accident like this and as a nurse practitioner, I am more worried about your illness than the side effect of soiling yourself. Even if you made it to a toilet let, feeling sick is no joke! unless you are laughing with them, no one should be laughing at you about messing yourself. And if you can't laugh at your self about that, I understand. I am someone I like to not take myself too seriously but sometimes we have to. It helps if people share similar stories, in real life and virtually here! I hope you stay safe and have a better fall/winterSkidmarked from Columbia
Replies
Jenny- From what I remember, you wipe until clean but come back to the bathroom for just a pee butt (pun intended) you find the toilet paper dirty. This's why your underwear gets skid marks and poop stains. I don't believe that's only why. What it is is your butt hole can't fully control your poop and let's a little out. Or there's a secret compartment in your butt you can't wipe or maybe you can butt (pun intended) you wouldn't notice.
And haha I was on Instagram listening to my Apostle and she was talking about politics said the word poop! It's funny when a beautiful Christian woman says the word POOP!!!Jenny
one more post today
Yep it's a slow day at work today. The moderator and Catherine might be getting tired of me haha.
Catherine- I looked up page 2414! I remember reading that story 10 years ago and forgot until now! Now that I "know" you even better, I wanted to give you a hug when you started to cry (did YOU just fart?...I did too) Part of my insecurities pooping, with and skidmarks was my butt shape and size, which would be much more appreciated these days based on social media influencers these days. Today I am 5"5" 135 and I was even 5-10 lbs thinner in my teen's and 20's and was insecure about my butt!. Nobody ever told me big booty equals big poop...But that literally was my nightmare. I would have bawled!
I got sucked into reading more of the posts back then. Catherine on page 2407 you were asking about " Poo-pouri!" Based on my social media, that product is still growing strong!
Thank you for the blast from the past, reading about you and Victoria B. (trying the toilet sitting backwards on 2406) from 10 years ago, pre Alan and Robyn!!! I'm sure you are both as beautiful and young as you were 10 years ago!
In case anyone is wondering, I am wearing orange boyshorts. I'm going to need to poop , and I know the toilet paper here is 1ply so I will probably be...
-Skidmarked in SeattleMD Dan
Huge Poop At A Client's House
Hey everyone! Great posts recently, love to read them all! I have a new story from today and a question afterwards.
In case you aren't aware, I work in the construction industry. I'm not usually going out into the field anymore, but on rare occasions I'll need to meet with a client at their home. Today was one of those occasions. I normally poop in the mornings but I had a very busy morning right from the start today, with several meetings and some fires that needed to be put out so I didn't have a chance to go. The urge eventually went away and I needed to head out to an appointment at a client's house. On my way, I stopped to grab a quick bite and a coffee, finished it up in my car, and headed to the appointment. The client is a nice 40-something woman, mid-length brown hair with some brown-grey streaks on either side around her temples and moving up towards the her peak, slim figure and very friendly
So as I pull into the driveway, I'm starting to feel the need to poop again. I farted a little in the car and in the driveway to relieve some pressure before getting into her house but it really just made things worse. I meet with her inside and we're walking around the house, my urge is pretty strong but I think the meeting won't take very long. I was completely wrong. She had a lot of questions and wanted to see a lot of examples of things. Don't get me wrong, she was very nice and that's what I was there for, but it was just bad timing for me. At one point, I was showing her some things on my tablet and started getting a cramp so bad that my hand holding the tablet started to shake. I quickly shrugged it off and switched hands, knowing I'd need to poop very soon.
Now normally, I have pooping in a client's house down to a science. Typically they'll let me be for a little bit to check things out on my own and that's when I'll wait a few minutes, then politely ask to use the restroom, do my thing, and then move on with my work, the client completely unaware (and usually uninterested) in how long I took or what I did in the bathroom. This woman, however, wanted to be with me the entire time. She was completely within her prerogative to do so, but it made things much more awkward for me. The two times I HATE having to ask to use the restroom, especially to poop, are either right when I arrive, or right before I leave so unfortunately, I'd have to just ask right in the middle of things on this occasion. I found the most natural-feeling spot in our conversation (during a transition between rooms as we walked past the restroom and when she had no questions at the time) and I finally just asked, "I'm sorry, would you mind if I used your restroom?" She said, "Oh, no! Not at all! Please!" and gestured to the small powder room off the foyer in the short hallway.
The entire foyer was tiled and the space echoed a lot so I was really hoping for a quiet poop. I set my tablet down and went into the bathroom. I didn't hear her walk away at all, so now I was going to poop with this woman about 10 feet from the bathroom in a space that echoed...great. lol I lower my pants and have a seat, immediately letting out a small fart. A massive log, about two feet long and smooth, slowly crackled out of me and into the toilet, right into the drain, sticking up out of the water some. Fortunately, it was very quiet and the clean-up was minimal, taking a total of about two and half minutes (still long enough for her to know what I was doing). I flushed, washed my hands, and came out of the bathroom.
The woman was still near the bathroom, but she had actually gotten a little closer, maybe only 7 feet away now. She was facing the bathroom, tapping on her phone, and looked up when I came out, smiling at me. I was half expecting her to ask how everything went, but thankfully she only smiled and said, "Ah! All set? Ready to move on to the family room?" I said, "Yes, thank you! Sorry about that." She said, "Don't worry about it! Sometimes you just gotta go!" and gave me a big smile as she turned around. We moved on and that was the end of it. I felt so much more relaxed after that, I wished I had just asked earlier!
Now for my question. I'm very curious to know all of your feelings about a stranger (more or less) coming over to your house for work/business/etc. and then having to poop while they're there. Does it bother or annoy you? Are you completely fine with it? Do you almost wish that would happen? Let me know! Thanks and take care!
Sunday, October 20, 2024
Jenny T
Intro and Replies
Hi Everyone my name's Jenny, but i'm going to use Jenny T because there seems to be another one here already. A little bit about me first. I'm a 19 year old girl going to university in the UK, currently sharing a house with 3 of the friends i've made in first year. The only problem being we've just got the one loo. I'm about 5'4 and 70kgs so I have a little meat on the bone haha. I've got light brown hair that finishes just above my shoulders, blue eyes and some decent 'assets' as some people might say, but also a bit of a belly lol.
I switched to a vegan diet (mostly) a couple of years back now to try and do my part for the environment and it made me change the way I viewed having a poo: Its one of the finest pleasures in life. This diet makes me go around 3 times a day: once in the morning before i go out, once around lunchtime or when i finish classes for the day and once more after dinner and they're really big every time. However in my school days this meant I spent a lot of time pooing in the school loos which wasn't the nicest, but helped me become a lot more open about my bowel movements.
It's so cool seeing a community that love the deed just as much as i've learned to and after lurking for some time i've decided i need to join in too. Though i'm not sure what kind of story you guys would like so i'll try and thing of something for later. But for now i'll send some replies
Catherine: i've been reading your stories on here for about a year ago and our poos are really similar. I remember trying some diet advice you made on a very old post now to take bigger poos and it totally works for me! Its nice to see someone who's been on here a while still posting
Janet: Outdoor number twos just feel so much better. How do you poop outside? So you sit on something or squat down?
Random Girl: God i've done the exact same thing. If I was so drunk I couldn't wipe properly I dread to imagine what I did to that poor toilet
Marley: It's concerningly easy to have an accident with a Laxative. The urge just hits you out of nowhere and you've barely got time to get your knickers off. I have a similar story from my school days.
Anna from Austria: Alcohol never used to do that to me, but now on every single girls night out or in I need to sneak away to have a loose and gassy poo. I don't think they've caught on yet though!
Sandra: I relate to your story so much. After my diet change learning to poo at school made my life so much more comfortable and relaxing. I would actually argue it's better than at home because the seat countour and the cutouts they have at the front for easier wiping access. I think i would rather use a clean public toilet than my own
And now to answer some questions:
Curious
When was the last time you pooped and found out you did not have any toilet paper?
This actually happened to me a few weeks ago on a campus building.I had a bit of a stomach ache so i decided to drop a load before I went home but I was so desperate i forgot to check. Almost the moment my knickers and jeans were around my ankles a soft load fired out of me before i could sit down fully. It settled down almost right away but then i realised there was no tp at all
Did you wipe with something else?
Normally i use a sock or even my knickers. But on this day i had no socks on because of the heat and the panties were almost new.
Were you able to rinse in the shower just after?
No, but I intended too
If you had to just pull up your underwear, how did the rest of your day go?
I knew i made the wrong call the moment I pulled them up as I felt poo squash against me. I was glad I was going straight home but walking sucked because i could feel like little lining of poo spreading: I was so paranoid others could hear it as I walked/ I opted to stand on the bus on the way back to avoid anymore damage and I heard an older woman complain about the smell. The moment i walked in the door the knickers went straight in the bin and I had the best shower of my year so far. I'm gladI had finished at lunch so my housemates weren't around to see my absolutely enormous skidmark!
Still Curious
1A When was the last time you pooped?
About 3 hours ago on campus before I came home
1B When was the most memorable time you pooped?
I would have to say all the outdoor poos I had when we went camping in Scotland. That's a very long story but the views as well as how easy squatting made it to go make them really special poops to me haha
2A When was the last time you peed?
Probably the same as when I pooed
2B When was the most memorable time you peed?
I had to go off the edge of our rental boat in Portugal one time, but there's a lot of other times like me going in a plastic bottle while I was stuck in traffic (a girl's gotta go!)
3A When was the last time you farted?
Just now. I have really bad gas and I can never work out why. I feel another one brewing
3B When was the most memorable time you farted?
Back when I was in sixth form I let out an SBD during a chemistry lesson because I couldn't do my afternoon poo and I had a coffee at lunch. The smell was so bad they had to turn on the extraction fan which we normally used during experiments. I was mortified
4A When was the last time you had a skid mark?
Probably in the story I mentioned above, though I don't always notice if its a smaller one. I rarely ever get skid marks how does it happen to you guys?
4B Most memorable skid mark?
This is definitely one of my low points but the first time I wore a tbong - I must have been about 16 - I was in a rush having a poo at school before my bus home and I rushed the wiping job. The thong was meant to make me feel attractive but the itchy bum on the way home and the big mark when i took it off said otherwise!
Well I'm going to leave it there for now because I feel it's already too long haha sorry I'm just very excited to be here! Hope you all have wonderful poos!
Jenny T
STEPHEN.P
POOPING IN CAMPERVAN
Thursday set off for a journey to Amroth in whales I travelled on the motorway for three hours then pulled into the services and had a wee in the THETFORD 66 POTTIE.One hour later I stopped at the services for lunch ,ham sandwiches apples and a flask of coffee .I had another wee before continuing my journey I drove for thirty miles then needed to have a NUMBER TOO
so pulled into a layby down with jogging bottoms and pants and sat on the pottie had a wee and a bowel movement ,the first since MONDAY afternoon outside the greenhouse in squat position ,I wiped dressed then continued my journey.
Thursday night I stopped in a layby on the A40 had a wee twice during the night and a wee when I woke at 7am I had a bowl of weetabix then sat on the pottie and had a NUMBER TOO I tided the van then started to drive home with one stop for a wee .
when I arrived home emptied the pottie .Thunder
An Update
Chakamami. Thanks for your response …. Loved it ! To JW would loved to had been there when your mother was bearing down . Know the feeling well . Yesterday went to the massage therapist ( not my toilet therapist) my massage therapist is located in a busy shopping centre. And she was massaging mg colon and a flinched a little with pain. Her English is limited. And she said " it painful " I replied that I had not been to the toilet for a while and asked her to keep massaging hard , which she did . As the conclusion of the massage I was so stiff but after paying I had a bit of an urge and thought I should head yob the toilets to park my bottom and get some relief . There were four cubicles but only one vacant . I sat , grunted and strained and got a barely average result noting most of the poo was still in me . Certainly all the attendees ( unless they were deaf) woukd have heard me loud and clear. I tried to wipe but did not have the flexibility to do much . Came home and had a good shower to finish the clean up . Have not had a poo since despite taking my laxative last night . Spoke to my doctor about my bowel problems and it might be my neurological condition but I am off to see the gastroenterologist in November . I was just processing my inability to wipe and maybe I should take my portable bidet with me in a shopping bag to conceal same .? As stated in my previous post I am entitled under government funding to have a support worker and part of duties is to attend to toilet needs . How woukd you all feel about this ? ThunderJohn H
Replies and recent poops
Hey all.
@Catherine. Hey and thanks for the reply. I understand regarding your position on preferring to be watched by Alan. First and foremost, the feeling of the poo coming out is enjoyable. Experiencing those enjoyable feelings and being able to share the vulnerability of those moments with someone you trust adds to that. So when the situation is reversed, it's still nice but not on the same level as when you are the one doing the pooping.
I also get where you are coming from regarding the photos you and Beth sometimes share. It's more of a laugh between friends,and look at the size of this than anything else.
@STEREAKS. Thanks for the info on your wives log. A banana is a good description and I appreciated all the details you included. It sounded like a thick log overall.
It was also great to read your account of pooping while your wife was in the bathroom with you. I have done this and you captured the slight moment of hesitation before letting go so well. There is always that element of the unknown, what will it sound like, will it smell bad,type thoughts that go through your mind. It gets easier the more you do it though and it should help her relax and poop more freely when you happen to be in the bathroom too.
Looking forward to reading about her going after you finished.
Recent poops.
I do enjoy a well formed more solid poop and I have been having lots of those recently. Yesterday I paused working in the house and had what was a particularly long and thick poop that felt so good coming outs. The main log broke a couple of times as it slowly made its way out under its own weight. I then had to push to get another 2 logs out before wiping.
I had the door to the bathroom open as I was talking to my girlfriend about the work we were doing. She laughed about the smell. I sprayed some air freshener and I also done a flush in the middle of the poo to help with the smell and to not risk clogging the toilet.
I felt refreshed but due to the work the poo was rushed and I had 2 follow up poos latter in the evening.
The issue with the bigger logs lately is that they can sometimes stretch a little too much and can cause some minor pain after. I have some cream that I may need to use to help over the next few days as I don't want this issue to get worse. I will see how I feel today and go from there.
Any experience with this, do let me know.
That's it for now. Take care all.
John H.Tricky
An awkward poop while out paying bills
At the office I work at, lunch break had just started. I decided to use the time to pay some bills, and was going to be eating out today. On the way to the restaurant, I paid all bills except for my car insurance. Then I stopped at the restaurant and ate.
After eating, I had about 15 minutes to make it back to work. The place to pay for my car insurance was nearby in the same parking lot. As is most often the case shortly after each meal, I felt a need to poop as I was entering the office to pay my car insurance. I figured I could hold it until I got back to my workplace, not wanting to be late, as the drive would still take another 10 minutes.
Unfortunately, what I was expecting to be a fast transaction where I exchange money to the secretary to receive an updated proof of insurance and quickly get back to my car was not to be. The secretary, this cute, thin, curvy 20-something lady with radiant skin and black hair, was not present in her office chair as usual. About five feet from the secretary's desk was a closed door. I could see there was a light on inside.
*fwert* *plopt*
I then heard the unmistakable sound of toilet paper being rolled. The noises confirmed to me that someone was in there finishing up a dump.
As I waited, I could feel the pressure building on my sphincter and sensed a mass that was weightier than usual, probably because I didn't poop this morning after breakfast as I normally do. As I was standing there, my insides gurgled.
*rumple-rort-RAUR-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-t*
I heard more rolling of toilet paper, then a flush, then the sound of aerosol being sprayed, then a sink running.
The door opened, and sure enough, out came the secretary wearing a black dress that matched her figure well. She was rather surprised to see me standing in front of her desk waiting for her, and hastily flicked the light switch off and shut the door behind her. With an awkward smile of unconcealed embarrassment, she walked to her desk to sit down, then asking me,
Her: "How may I help you sweetie?"
Me: "I'm here to pay my car insurance."
Her: "Okay."
She looked up my information on the computer and gave me the total bill. As I was getting the money out of my wallet, my lower GI tract gurgled with the sounds of peristalsis so loud that she certainly heard it, an awkward smile failing to conceal her amusement at the sound. The sensation of pressure on my sphincter became too much for comfort. It was quickly becoming an emergency situation and I was no longer confident I was going to make it back to the office to poop. In the interest of avoiding an emergency need to find a toilet while driving, I decided I was going to go here.
As she was handing me my updated proof of insurance and change, I broached the question whose answer would determine whether the drive back to the office was going to be mundane, or highly uncomfortable.
Me: "May I use your restroom?"
With an awkward smile, she pointed to the door she just came out of,
Her: "It's right there. Go on ahead."
Me: "Thank you."
I walked to the door, opened it, and immediately noticed a feint smell of poop and air freshener. It was a small room the size of a handicap stall, with hand railing, a sink, and a sit down toilet. I turned on the light, shut and locked the door, and before sitting down, looked for a fan. There was no fan, unfortunately. Which meant that she was going to hear what I was about to do on the toilet.
I prepared myself to sit on the toilet and heard the door to the building open.
"How may I help you?"
The response was an older woman's voice. As they were initiating a transaction, I sat on the toilet with my pants and underwear all the way down, facing the door to the restroom. There was a large mirror on the door and I could watch myself pooping. A surprisingly large volume of poop started working its way out of my colon.
*pluftshlphshloot-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-POP-fluftshlupft*
It rapidly slid out leaving a warm, moist, waxy coating all over my butt. It was thick. Within about 10 seconds, it loudly dropped into the water below.
*ker-PLOONK*
Immediately following this, I felt the next turd to be a bit too thick for gravity to do the work for me and had to push to get it out. As I did the initial push, taking a bit of effort, a large volume of gas involuntarily forced itself through and echoed about the toilet bowl.
*pur-r-r-r-r-r-r-R-R-R-R-R-R-tlup-plat-crackle-plut*
Only after the gas exploded out could I feel the tip of the next turd start working its way out.
Immediately following this, I heard the older woman's voice cackling hysterically.
"Heavens! Did I just hear someone in the restroom?"
"I'm sorry about that. The walls in this building are paper thin."
They dropped the subject and continued with the transaction as another thick log of excrement crackled out of me, smearing itself against my butt cheeks on the way out. It was warm, thick, soft and malleable, but also sharp and jagged, giving a slightly painful tickling sensation on the way out.
*plooooft-shlupfphlugph-t-z-z-t-z-t-z-t-z-t-z-t-z-t-z-t-z-t-z-t-z-t-z-t-z-t-z* *PLUNK*
I wasn't even in the room for 3 minutes by this point and was empty. I felt great. I started rolling the toilet paper and wiping, and it was messy. After about 10 passes, I still wasn't fully clean and decided to take advantage of the fact that a sink was nearby and wetted some toilet paper for the final wipe, which worked great. Much better than if I had pooped at my office Mens' room. I was finally cleaned up and pulled my pants up. In the toilet were two large light-brown logs each two-inches thick, each about a foot long. Luckily everything went down upon flushing without making a mess of the toilet bowl. The room reeked. I'd also had so many awkward pooping experiences by this point that after washing my hands, I wasn't the least bit embarrassed, and given that I was in there for at least 5 minutes, with the primary concern being making it back to work on time, without hesitation, I opened the door and exited the room ready to face an unavoidable audience to the noises I generated while using the toilet.
Standing by the desk was a customer, a slightly rotund lady in her 50s with poofy red hair and dark sunglasses. She looked at my face and blurted out,
"Oh wow! Aren't you a cute boy!"
I continued walking without comment, in a hurry to get back to work on time. As I opened the door to exit the building, she continued,
"No need to be shy kiddo. We all have bodily functions."
I briefly turned around. The secretary I paid my bill to looked at me with a knowing and nervous smile silently laughing with a closed mouth after the customer's comment, looking away from me out of embarrassment, while the older lady was studying me and smiling at me. They both knew without any doubt what I just did in that room, having heard every detail. I walked out to my car without comment, but also without the slightest sense of embarrassment in spite of the older lady seemingly trying to provoke it. This was not a new experience to me and I'd been through bowel events greatly more awkward and embarrassing than this, and felt nothing about the defecation session, but was a bit embarrassed that the old lady was flirting with me.
Six months later, I returned to pay the car insurance again. The same secretary was there and recognized me, greeting me with a nervous smile. I paid my bill. As she handed me my proof of insurance, she remarked, "I'm sorry if that customer embarrassed you last time."
Me: "I wasn't embarrassed."
Her: "Good. But if you ever need to use the restroom here for a #2 again, please spray some air freshener and shut the door after you leave."
Me: "I apologize if I stunk the place up."
Her: "I'm not judging you, but smells in this building linger and the walls don't hide any noises. The owner of this building is too cheap to install a ventilation fan."
Me: "I'll keep that in mind."
Her: "It is what it is."
She smiled at me as I left back to my car. I mentally added that restroom to my list of safe places to use a toilet if the need arises. There are better places, and worse places, to go. The nearby restaurant I like to eat at has a broken lock on the restroom door and a lady opened it on me while I was peeing the year prior. The insurance office definitely has the preferable restroom of the two if I have to drop a deuce again when I'm in that area, and I'm not exactly shy about doing so.